So, I went out for lunch with my sister and mom in September. I get an hour lunch break every Friday so we decided to meet up for lunch. Me and my fiance had been going through a rough spot and I needed good, sound advice. I love the relationship I have with my sister and mother now. It's truthful, and I can share anything with them. The are wise and caring and understanding. But I was not prepared for what they had to say that day.
I could tell something was up right away because my mom had THAT look on her face. That "I'm very concerned" look. After I had settled in and ordered by sprite, my mom asks me very gently if I had talked to my little sister lately. I rolled my eyes and said no. I told her that I hadn't seen her since out fight at Fort Edmonton Park. My mom asked what happened, so told her.
I explained to her that we had gone out on a family trip to Ft. Edmonton and it was around lunchtime so we stopped in to eat at that over priced cafe they have there. That we had all ordered "meals" but the so called meals were teeny tiny. My sisters son had complained about his lunch and my sister flipped out on him, in front of everyone, and that it was embarrassing and uncomfortable. She had actually snatched his corn-dog right out of his hand when he was about bite it! Her son was embarrassed, and so was I. He started crying, and then ran out of the restaurant and hid. I went to go try and find him but he was gone. So I came back in and wasn't going to say anything. I SHOULDN'T have said anything. In fact, I regret saying anything. But I did. I said to her, "He's embarrassed. That was pretty embarrassing." And no, I should NOT have said that.
When it comes to parenting, we all have out different styles, and this was my sisters style. Her children didn't seem to upset about it (except, of course her son, but he got over it quickly). Anyways, then it became a big thing. And my sister felt that I was judging her parenting. Which I guess I was. Which is not cool.
Well, we left the diner, and my sister was livid by this time, and as we were all gathering together to continue the tour she came storming out of the cafe and yelled at me "AT LEAST I DIDNT LOSE MY KIDS TO DRINKING AND DOING DRUGS LIKE YOU DID!" I was speechless. I knew she was angry and I was going to apologize to her but I just stood there, and didn't know what to say. I suddenly didn't want to be there anymore, but my little daughter was having so much fun with her cousins that we decided to stay and I just avoided her until we left the park.
Her husband came to our house afterwards and picked up all their stuff. He, as always, apologized for her behavior and said things will smooth over. I agreed with him and told him not to worry. Things will work out like they usually do. And that was the end of that.
My mom and sister exchanged looks, then my mom told me that my little sister had told them quite a different story. She had told them that I was drinking and doing drugs in my house and that I had acted aggressively towards her and her family. I was in absolute shock. Why would she lie like that? We had had a good time when she was at our place. We had gone for Kareoke, we had ordered pizza, we had been having such a nice visit. I just shook my head. My mom said that her story didn't make sense, and that's why she had wanted to ask me about what really happened. They didn't believe for a second that I would have done that and I felt really grateful that they know who the true me is. If she had told them that story 8 years ago, then yes, it would have been true, but I've worked so hard on myself, and I have changed so much in the past 8 years, that "stories" of me being an out of control drunk and druggie, well, they pull no weight anymore.
After our conversation, we went on to talk about other stuff. I asked for their advise on my relationship, and we talked about their relationships. It was a great lunch but it was overshadowed by our first conversation.
I decided that I am just too old for this nonsense. I've been hurt too many times and now had my own sister trying to badmouth my character behind my back. I've been in abusive relationships before, and something that I learned in rehab, in that some people will always hurt you. And you have to cut them out of your life for your own sake. I also learned that some people will never see the change in you. They will always see the you you were back when you were an active addict. They will always see your mistakes. They might "act" happy for changes in your life, but they will always see the old you.
This unfortunately, is my little sister. She will always remember the drunk, aggressive, me, who lost her kids, and cared only about drugs. She will always bring it up when she wants to hurt me. And I will not accept that anymore. I love her, but I love me more. And I decided to cut her out of my life. She wasn't really in it anyways.
Anyways, I have a life to live. A baby to get prepared for, and Christmas coming with my family. Life is good. And it goes on. Sometimes without certain people in it.
