New House and Home

We did it! We found a perfect place! Its a 3 Bedroom Townhouse that we ALL like. Including the twins! We move in in exactly 2 weeks! I am so excited that we will finally have a bathtub, and that we will have a new home all set up before this baby is born.
In the past 3 years I have lived in 4 places. The last 3 places did NOT have a dining room, and this new place DOES! I envision us hosting Thanksgiving Dinner for our family this year, and inviting people over for sit down dinners! I honestly can;'t wait,.

Mawwiage, is what bwings us togethew today.

Yep. I'm getting married! Finally, after a 2 year engagement, 1 official break-up, and a very nice make-up we are finally getting married. We were going to wait until 2018 but honestly, I don't want to wait anymore. I just want to be married, and legal, and good in God's eyes. No more living in sin for us! haha

I am literally having a baby in 2.5 months. And then will be getting married 4 months after that. I'm a little disappointed that I will more than likely still be fat from baby, but I'm still getting excited. We have chosen our wedding colors and have booked the venue. Me and my maid-of-honor have chosen their dresses. Hot pink convertible dresses! Very sexy. We still have a million things to work out but the bottom of the line is that we will be married by the end of 2017. Yay!

Week 25

Found out I have placenta previa. Which means I will be having my very first c-section when I reach 39 weeks. When I first found out I was kind of scared. I had watched a couple c-section video's and saw them pull out the mothers intestines, place them on a table, then cut deep into her abdomine muscle to get the baby out. Then, they carefully place all her guts back inside her body where they belong. Ugggg.....

I have been through normal, vaginal birth 4 times, and it does not scare me. I know exactly what to expect and how to "breath through" the pain of contractions. Easy stuff for an old pro like me. But now faced with the reality of this surgery, I'm thinking it might be a nice change. I'll get frozen, and I won't have to go through the pushing and contractions. A fat baby will just be brought to me. LOL

I'm starting to get excited for out next move too. I miss having baths so much. I've already been looking online and praying that God will provide us with a really great place where we will be able to have family dinners. Exciting stuff.

I better get back to work.

Being Pregnant and almost 40.

I am now 23 weeks pregnant. Yay! 23 weeks. A little more than half ways there. I don't remember pregnancy being this difficult though. 

I have had 4 previous, easy, breezy pregnancies. Never had any issues. It really wasn't hard or anything but this time, OMG. 

First of all, I got gestational diabetes. Meaning that I now have to give myself shots of insulin. I hate it and its scary.

Then, I'm growing really huge. I already look like I'm going to pop any day, and I still have 3.5 months to go! I am SO big. 

But it's exciting too. Baby boy has been moving around lots for the past 3 weeks. My daughter was the first one to feel baby move (besides myself, of course) She was so amazed and excited! It was so cute to watch!

I think it was 2 weeks ago that my fiance finally felt the baby move. It was a small movement. I can't wait until the kicks gets stronger so that he can start feeling baby too. 

We have to go in for monthly ultrasounds now because I'm "high risk" because of my age and my diabetes, so we get to see the baby every month which is exciting. Last week we saw a close up of his balls and dick. Yep. He's definitely a big boy! ha ha. He looks exactly like his dad, which is really cool to see. We see alot of pictures of his baby profile and its looks like a tiny version of my fiance and our daughter. I can't wait to meet him and hold him and just enjoy having a baby again. 

I'm still working 2 jobs but have cut down on my hours at job #2. I will be quitting job #2 in Feb. Quitting for good. I am going to work my full time job right until I go into labour, hopefully. I need all the money I can get. I don't like the idea of being on maternity leave and only bringing home a percentage of my paycheck. I'm already stressed about it but my fiance assures me that he'll be giving his paycheques directly to me so I can handle all our money and do the budgeting and bill paying. Maybe I can babysit on the down low and bring in some extra cash. I'll figure out something. 

I recently bought a big body pillow because I have been so uncomfortable sleeping. Now I thow my leg over it when I sleep. I caught my fiance throwing his leg over it one night as we were watching tv and I got mad at him. I laid down the law that it was MY pillow. NOT HIS. LOL poor guy. 

Well, baby is kicking my low today. In the lower pelvic region. It feels like he has hiccups. I better get back to work. 

Happy New Years!

Lunch Revelations

So, I went out for lunch with my sister and mom in September. I get an hour lunch break every Friday so we decided to meet up for lunch. Me and my fiance had been going through a rough spot and I needed good, sound advice. I love the relationship I have with my sister and mother now. It's truthful, and I can share anything with them. The are wise and caring and understanding. But I was not prepared for what they had to say that day.

I could tell something was up right away because my mom had THAT look on her face. That "I'm very concerned" look. After I had settled in and ordered by sprite, my mom asks me very gently if I had talked to my little sister lately. I rolled my eyes and said no. I told her that I hadn't seen her since out fight at Fort Edmonton Park. My mom asked what happened, so told her.

I explained to her that we had gone out on a family trip to Ft. Edmonton and it was around lunchtime so we stopped in to eat at that over priced cafe they have there. That we had all ordered "meals" but the so called meals were teeny tiny. My sisters son had complained about his lunch and my sister flipped out on him, in front of everyone, and that it was embarrassing and uncomfortable. She had actually snatched his corn-dog right out of his hand when he was about bite it! Her son was embarrassed, and so was I. He started crying, and then ran out of the restaurant and hid. I went to go try and find him but he was gone. So I came back in and wasn't going to say anything. I SHOULDN'T have said anything. In fact, I regret saying anything. But I did. I said to her, "He's embarrassed. That was pretty embarrassing." And no, I should NOT have said that.

When it comes to parenting, we all have out different styles, and this was my sisters style. Her children didn't seem to upset about it (except, of course her son, but he got over it quickly). Anyways, then it became a big thing. And my sister felt that I was judging her parenting. Which I guess I was. Which is not cool.

Well, we left the diner, and my sister was livid by this time, and as we were all gathering together to continue the tour she came storming out of the cafe and yelled at me "AT LEAST I DIDNT LOSE MY KIDS TO DRINKING AND DOING DRUGS LIKE YOU DID!" I was speechless. I knew she was angry and I was going to apologize to her but I just stood there, and didn't know what to say. I suddenly didn't want to be there anymore, but my little daughter was having so much fun with her cousins that we decided to stay and I just avoided her until we left the park.

Her husband came to our house afterwards and picked up all their stuff. He, as always, apologized for her behavior and said things will smooth over. I agreed with him and told him not to worry. Things will work out like they usually do. And that was the end of that.

My mom and sister exchanged looks, then my mom told me that my little sister had told them quite a different story. She had told them that I was drinking and doing drugs in my house and that I had acted aggressively towards her and her family. I was in absolute shock. Why would she lie like that? We had had a good time when she was at our place. We had gone for Kareoke, we had ordered pizza, we had been having such a nice visit. I just shook my head. My mom said that her story didn't make sense, and that's why she had wanted to ask me about what really happened. They didn't believe for a second that I would have done that and I felt really grateful that they know who the true me is. If she had told them that story 8 years ago, then yes, it would have been true, but I've worked so hard on myself, and I have changed so much in the past 8 years, that "stories" of me being an out of control drunk and druggie, well, they pull no weight anymore.

After our conversation, we went on to talk about other stuff. I asked for their advise on my relationship, and we talked about their relationships. It was a great lunch but it was overshadowed by our first conversation.

I decided that I am just too old for this nonsense. I've been hurt too many times and now had my own sister trying to badmouth my character behind my back. I've been in abusive relationships before, and something that I learned in rehab, in that some people will always hurt you. And you have to cut them out of your life for your own sake. I also learned that some people will never see the change in you. They will always see the you you were back when you were an active addict. They will always see your mistakes. They might "act" happy for changes in your life, but they will always see the old you.

This unfortunately, is my little sister. She will always remember the drunk, aggressive, me, who lost her kids, and cared only about drugs. She will always bring it up when she wants to hurt me. And I will not accept that anymore. I love her, but I love me more. And I decided to cut her out of my life. She wasn't really in it anyways.

Anyways, I have a life to live. A baby to get prepared for, and Christmas coming with my family. Life is good. And it goes on. Sometimes without certain people in it.

Gratefulness

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I found myself in an empty bedroom. My fiancé must have gotten out of bed during the night and gone to sleep on the couch. As I started applying my makeup, I realized that I rarely have the morning hours all to myself, and so I prayed out loud.

Usually I do my praying silently so I don’t weird out my teenagers or fiancé, or I pray when I’m alone in my car. But this morning, I saw an opportunity and so I started praying out loud.

I was hit with the reality that my life was exactly what I had wished for back in my days of homelessness. I remember wandering around residential areas and walking by homes where I could see in their front windows and see families sitting together for supper. Sitting together watching tv. I would recall my own days when I lived in a small townhouse with all 3 of my boys, and my living room was always full of toys. I would remember waking up and seeing my smiling Nico standing up in his crib, waiting for me to come grab him and hug him and bring him to my room to play. I cherished those days and oh, how I WISH I had never let myself put that damn meth pipe to my lips again. It was heartbreaking to lose everything that mattered. Heart breaking.

And so, this morning I prayed prayers of thankfulness, and gratefulness, and I sat there, with my twins boys asleep in the room next to mine. Thankful that they had come back into my life and gave me a second chance to be the mommy they always wanted and needed. Grateful that these 2 sons of mine have forgiven me for my terrible sins. Joyful that I had the privilege of seeing them every day now, and get to take care of them and advise them and love them. What a good God I serve.

And how blessed I am to have such a caring partner. A man who loves me and supports me and would do practically anything for me. It’s such a change for me to be adored and loved like this.

And then to have a daughter like my Ray. She is so loving and trusting and lucky her, she has only known me as a great mom. She has never lived through my selfish years. She adores me and she is my greatest accomplishment.

I have so much to be thankful for that I didn’t even get to praying for the things I want or needs today. Things have been going to great in my life lately and I just want to document this moment.

Going to find out if the baby is a boy or girl in 2 more weeks! Very very excited. 

I need a house!

Well, with the big news of having ANOTHER baby that will be joining our family next year, and with the thought always looming that my 3rd son might join our family at any time, well, my biggest concern right now is our housing situation. 

When it was just me as a single mom with my baby R, we lived happily in a 2 bedroom apartment. The second bedroom rarely got used. We shared the master bedroom and I set up her crib beside my bed. 

Then, when my boys started visiting and sleeping over regularly, one of them would take the extra bedroom and the other two would camp in the living room. 

Then, when R's dad came into the picture, he would stay in the spare room on weekends while he visited R. Pretty soon he moved in and the 2nd bedroom was his. 

When she got to be 4 years old the apartment was too tiny for us so we found a bigger 2 bedroom basement suite that came with a fenced back yard. Which we all loved and used all the time. 

Then, my 1 son came to live with us. The 2 bedroom was starting to feel tiny. My son took the 1 bedroom and me and R and her dad took the master. 

Then things fell apart and I moved out. I rented a 2 bedroom suite so me and R shared the master and my son took the small room. 

Then things changed and we started looking for a 3 bedroom. We found one. Right now R has her own room and my twin sons share another bedroom. Me and S share the master. 

When baby comes, she will share the room with us and when she gets older she can share R's room. 

But I'm sick of renting. I basically give away $13,200 / year to pay someone else's mortgage. And all because I don't have a down payment? That's crazy. I am going to talk to a guy at rentbusters and see what can be done. 

I'd love to buy a house that's big enough to be able host Thanksgiving Dinner for my family. I'd be nice to have a small basement suite I could rent to my bestie, so she would always have a place to live. It would be awesome to actually OWN something instead of throwing my money away every month. 

I write this with the hope and expectation that God is hearing my prayer. That He will provide us with what we need. And that one day I will look at this entry and say, "Oh goodness, My God is soooo good." as I read this entry in my newly purchased forever home. (That has jets in the bathtub.)

Head Lice Elementary

Our daughter started grade 1 in a brand new school this year. She used to attend daycare and school wayyyy on the south side because that's where we lived for a long time, but in the past few years we have moved 3 times and each time we get farther away from the south. We are now officially located in North Edmonton. So I thought this year would be a great time for a brand new start. She was really excited to be going to a brand new school "Just like Matilda!" she would proudly say as we would drive by her new school.

Anyways, this brand new school is classified as an "Inner City" school and I heard that it had major lice issues. My daughter has had lice twice. She had caught lice from family members (cousins) both times, so before I enrolled her, I called the school to ask if these rumors were true. They replied that lice is an issue at most schools and if lice is found, they will send a note home. 

Well, in R's last school, there was not even 1 note sent home during the whole year. So I was suspicious immediately. I texted my sis-in-law because she has a million kids and is a lice expert. She said that since she started using tea tree oil in her kids shampoo she hasn't had to deal with lice alot anymore. She also said she does regular lice checks just to make sure if they do come home that it doesn't get out of control. So, with my mind at ease, I enrolled my R to this Inner City school.

So guess what was in her backpack the VERY FIRST DAY she came home from Grade 1? Yep. You guessed it. A note from her grade 1 teacher saying "Lice has been found in our class. Please check your child and read the brochure." Behind the note is a brochure all about lice and how to treat them. 

By the time I read the note my little girl was already in bed sleeping, so I checked her head first thing in the morning. I was very relieved to see that she was lice free and I silently thanked my sis-in-law for telling me to buy shampoo with tea tree oil in it. I mixed a teaspoon of coconut oil and 5 drops of tea tree oil in my hands and spread it all over R's hair, and tied her hair up in a ponytail bun. She was quite impressed because she said she looked like a Pokemon Doctor....

I explained to her that "someone" in her class had lice and that if she hugged anyone today, those lice would jump right up into her hair and then she would have lice. She assured me that she would NOT hug anyone because she did not like lice in her hair. I also told her that if she saw someone scratching their head furiously, then to be careful because they were probably scratching lice. She seemed to understand. 

She came home from school that evening lice free again! She told me very seriously that she did NOT hug anyone, and I praised her for that. 

Again, this morning, I mixed up some coconut oil and tea tree oil and slathered it in her hair. I got to say, I hope this continues to work! I feel like I have beaten the lice epidemic single-handedly. I feel like I have conquered. 

I'm comforted in knowing that even if I happen to find a lice on her now, I have the confidence to handle it right away. It will never get to an out of control situation where I'll feel like I have to quarantine my house (like the 1st time she got lice!). I feel a lot wiser and calmer about it. But hopefully those little buggers just stay away. 

Aren't I too OLD to have another baby?

So, 2 weekends ago we were doing our bi-monthly grocery shopping trip. This is where we stock up for 2 weeks on supplies like bread, lunch meat, fruits and vegs, and personal care items. I had noticed that I hadn't bought any pads for awhile and I went to grab a big family size pack of Always Plus when all of a sudden I realized, I was 10 days late!


Now, I'm a bit.... um.... older... and so late periods are not that abnormal for me. I've been anywhere from 2-5 days late before and not been pregnant. In fact, just this past May I was 5 days late and in a panic I texted my sis-in-law telling her about it and she laughed at me and said it was probably stress (because I had been dealing with alot that month) and that I should take a test to be sure. So I went out and grabbed a pregnancy test that had 2 tests in it, just in case one came out positive and I had to double up to make sure. (Turned out I wasn't pregnant.)


Anyhoo, 2 weekends ago, when I came to the realization about my pads, I decided to come home and do that pregnancy test that had sat in my top drawer for the past few months. I went into the bathroom and peed on the stick and almost immediately, the test turned positive. I honestly didn't know what to do next. My heart was beating so fast, and I felt.... excited! Could it be true? Am I going to be someones Mommy, again?


I went and layed down in my room so I could think. A couple minutes later my bf and daughter came into my room to tell me we had to go back to the store because we forgot a few things. I said "Ya, ok. Um, we need to pick up a pregnancy test too because this one says positive." My bf gave me a funny look and said ok, and my daughter didnt understand what I had just said.


So we went back to the store, and I went and got an expensive "Clearblue" test. You know, the kind that turns into a plus (+) sign if your pregnant. We got home and I went straight to the bathroom and pissed on the stick.


Sure enough, it turned into a Plus sign right away. There was no dening it. I walked out to the living room and said to my bf "Well, I guess we are going to have another baby." Our daughter looked up at me with quizzacle eyes and so I said to her directly "Guess what baby? Your going to be a big sister. Mommy is going to have a baby."


You should have seen the look on her face. Her eyes and face literally lit up. She clasped her hands together and started jumping up and down and yelled "YESSSS!!! OH MY GOODNESS! YES!!!! I'm gonna be a big sister!"


My first ultrasound is tomorrow. We are all very excited to meet this new baby.

The End of the Single Months

As I was saying in my previous post, the single life agreed with me alot. I was used to the idea of being single for awhile. But then things got ugly fast. Me and my son had a big blowout and he ran away. I should say that he didn't run very far. He ran upstairs, to be more specific. 

Our upstairs neighbor and my son had struck up a rather inappropriate "friendship". She was a young single mother/ pothead who would text and message my young son on a daily basis with invites for him to go get high everyday, with her, in the backyard garage. I was NOT happy about this relationship and my son knew it. She did too but still showed no respect and kept doing it. 

Well, that day we had the fight my son disappeared. He wasn't home when I got home from work so I gave it a week then called up his social worker. About 2 weeks later I suddenly got a call from Child Protective Services saying "someone" had called in and was scared for my children's safety in our home, and that they had heard that I had been evicted from my home. 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I calmly explained that no, I had not gotten evicted and that the information they had received was incorrect. I explained that I had a bad upstairs neighbor who was doing drugs with my teenage son, and that I had asked my landlords to let me out of my lease early and that they agreed. The social worker then asked me about my job, and blah blah blah. By the end of the conversation she said she had good idea of what had happened and then told me that it was our upstairs neighbor who had called in and made the complaint. I was pretty angry and upset but continued to look for a new place, determined as ever to get out of there and away from my neighbor.

Even looking back, I just have to shake my head. This immature girl. I just don't understand people like that. Well, around this time I got the news that my ex had been evicted from our old place. He had gotten into a drunken fight with his brother and the police had been called. I was looking on-line everyday looking for places that I could afford as a fabulous single person, but unfortunately, my single budget didn't go very far when I was looking for 2-3 bedroom rentals. 

As my ex started cleaning out our old house and bringing stuff over to my place, we decided to try and make it work again. For the sake of the kids, and mostly for the sake our budgets. Reality stinks. These days we all need all the help we can get financially, and even though I worked 2 jobs, there wasn't much I could afford on my own and still be able to pay all my other bills. So here we were again, house hunting. 

I was determined that we were NOT going to repeat history again with the drinking, so I laid it all out on the table. If there was ANY drinking, he would have to move out immediately. We would find a 3 bedroom home this time and if things went back to the way they were with the drinking, at least I could rent out 1 of the bedrooms if he moved out. So it was agreed. And I started setting up viewings. 

We went and looked at quite a few that we could easily afford. Filled out a few applications and bam, within a week and a half we had signed a new lease with a new landlord, and started packing up. At this time, I was getting calls from my sons school saying he wasn't showing up for school, and I thought to myself, "Of course he's not, He's in the garage smoking pot with his drug sugar mama upstairs until midnight every night." So, finally fed up with the situation, I emailed her from work one day. Telling her I knew he was there with her and to send him home. She replied that she would but that I better watch out if I ever thought about calling the cops on her. Again, I shook my head and just left it at that. I myself, had considered calling social services on her, because she had this baby that she would leave in the bathtub and leave alone upstairs while she was out getting high, but then I would think to myself, no. It's not like the baby will die from being alone. And it's none of my business. 

Anyways, we started packing everything up and I started to looking forward to being in a new home where I could just live peacefully.