I was homeless 3 years ago.

It's sometimes hard to believe that 3 years ago, I was suffering from alcoholism and extreme depression. I still remember it well. I am so grateful for the past 3 years. I have been given time to heal, and to get to know who I really am. I successfully completed a 2 year rehab program, and finished my high school upgrading. I joined the workforce for a short time and excelled in my position. I then went on to University studies. The first term I kicked ass in, and this last term, I was faced the reality of my own abilities. I found out the hard way that you should never follow dreams others may have for you. I know that I was trying to get my business diploma for all the wrong reasons, and it turned out that I failed.

I learned that failing is ok and that it's not the end of the world. It simply means that business is not what I was meant to do. It may have been an expensive mistake, but again, it's not the end of the world.

Now that school is almost over I have gone to back to work. For now I'm working at my old job, but as of August, I will be working a new, high paying job in an office environment. I will get to wear suits to work, and have full benefits. I really am so so happy that I am finally on the road I have dreamed about being on for most of my adult life.

I have come such a long ways, and I am so happy to see my life choices paying off for me finally. There was a time in my life when I believed I was worth nothing. I never used to dream for myself. I remember when even driving a car seemed like a far fetched dream. And look at me now.

I am happy, and hopeful for the future. I am going to start realizing what life is like being financially stable. I'm going to travel. I'm going to own my very own home with my very own money. I am going to be able to build up savings for me and my children's futures.

All in all, I strongly believe that my belief in my higher power has given me the strength to make changes in my life. I wanted to change for a really long time. I remember so badly wanting to have a normal life, back when I was dating a pretty normal guy. I just didn't fit into his normal world though, and it, of course, didn't work out. But I remember first getting a taste of the normal life, and it was then that the first seeds of hope for a future started to take root. I tried, on my own for a year after that, and got nowhere. I just couldn't stop myself from drinking and self destructing. It was like a more powerful force was in control of me.

The moment I cried out loud, to God, and asked HIM to take control of my life, that everything started changing. My outlook on life. My addictions. My ability to care for myself. EVERYTHING changed. It has been a wonderful 3 years. I am so happy right now, and super excited to see where God takes me next! Yay!

The Stress of .....life

Mid-terms sucked. I did pass math with a surprising 70%, but failed bitterly at accounting with only a 35%. I skipped school for 2 weeks after mid-terms, convinced that I was utter failure and hid in my appartment, watching daytime t.v, and stuffing my face.
Every night I went to bed, dissappointed and ashamed of myself. It was awful. Then last week I decided I couldn't handle myself anymore, and I went back to school. It kind of felt of good to get back, even though I had no idea what the teachers were teaching. But at least I am not giving up completely. 
So what if I am not going to be an accountant? So what if I can't do math? So what if I fail these courses. At least I had the nerve to try something new. 
I need a break from the books. I have started applying for office work. I am excited about finally making some money again. Student funding is not really enough to live on anymore, considering I have a new car and insurance payments. I just need a break, and need to get back to real life again.
On the bright side, I have been able to visit family and friends all over, since I got my car! I even went down to my dad's rez and meet my real family. A brother I didn't know about, and aunts and uncles. 
This last month of school is going to tough. I have no desire to even go, but when I say I am going to do something, I do it. 
So here I go, off to school. 
BLEH.