I'm afraid to be Loved.

I was reading through my friends status updates today when something caught my eye. It was a post by my friend, that said this year she was going to tell herself a positive word for each day, in order to retrain her mind, and ultimately, her self image.

I too, have been thinking of that recently. Although I have made some huge strides in my own self-worth, there is still alot of work to be done. I know that in the past few years I have proven to myself that I am an over-comer, and achiever of a great many things, but there are places in me I have not tried to heal yet.

I am afraid. I am afraid that I am not worthy of being loved. Yikes. That sounds so bad to say out loud, but I am afraid it's true. In order to be loved you must first love yourself. And I am afraid I'm not there yet. Oh, I believe that God loves me. For me, that's easy to believe. But as far as another human being, or more specifically, a hu-MAN, I'm afraid that I will not find somebody for me. 

I've been very happy so far, being single, but lately I've been thinking it would be nice to have a special someone. Someone who knows the difference between a Klingon and a Cardissaian. Someone who's as into Sci-Fi as I am. Someone who truly believes in God. Someone who's idea of a good time is sitting at home, drinking slurpee's and watching T.V. And most of all, someone who thinks I'm the shiz-nit, and would never be tempted to leave me for someone else. *sigh*

This year I really need to work on myself. I need to work on loving myself, and looking in the mirror, and saying "Hey. Your beautiful, and smart and funny, and there is a man out there who would so so lucky to have you." So I am going to TRY. I am going to put effort back into loving me. I don't want someone to like me for what I look like, but for who I really am. 

Here's hoping!