Gratefulness

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I found myself in an empty bedroom. My fiancé must have gotten out of bed during the night and gone to sleep on the couch. As I started applying my makeup, I realized that I rarely have the morning hours all to myself, and so I prayed out loud.

Usually I do my praying silently so I don’t weird out my teenagers or fiancé, or I pray when I’m alone in my car. But this morning, I saw an opportunity and so I started praying out loud.

I was hit with the reality that my life was exactly what I had wished for back in my days of homelessness. I remember wandering around residential areas and walking by homes where I could see in their front windows and see families sitting together for supper. Sitting together watching tv. I would recall my own days when I lived in a small townhouse with all 3 of my boys, and my living room was always full of toys. I would remember waking up and seeing my smiling Nico standing up in his crib, waiting for me to come grab him and hug him and bring him to my room to play. I cherished those days and oh, how I WISH I had never let myself put that damn meth pipe to my lips again. It was heartbreaking to lose everything that mattered. Heart breaking.

And so, this morning I prayed prayers of thankfulness, and gratefulness, and I sat there, with my twins boys asleep in the room next to mine. Thankful that they had come back into my life and gave me a second chance to be the mommy they always wanted and needed. Grateful that these 2 sons of mine have forgiven me for my terrible sins. Joyful that I had the privilege of seeing them every day now, and get to take care of them and advise them and love them. What a good God I serve.

And how blessed I am to have such a caring partner. A man who loves me and supports me and would do practically anything for me. It’s such a change for me to be adored and loved like this.

And then to have a daughter like my Ray. She is so loving and trusting and lucky her, she has only known me as a great mom. She has never lived through my selfish years. She adores me and she is my greatest accomplishment.

I have so much to be thankful for that I didn’t even get to praying for the things I want or needs today. Things have been going to great in my life lately and I just want to document this moment.

Going to find out if the baby is a boy or girl in 2 more weeks! Very very excited.