Out of Rahab

I just got out of rehab. I was living in a christian rehab centre for the past year.  You see, I've had "issues" with drinking and drugs all my life. Ever since the first time I tasted vodka, when I was 15 years old. Its so scary to think that my oldest daughter is going to be 15 this year. I totally still remeber being that age. All the thoughts and feelings I had about my super strict parents. How sheltered I was from the realities of the world. SCARY.

Anyhoo, the past year has been hard. And interesting. It was ther first time ever that I spent enough time being sober to find out who I really was. What I found out I had alot of characteristics that I didn't like. Dammit. I had fooled myself into thinking I was such a good person my whole life, only to find out how self centered and mean I really was.

I also realized how hard it was to come under authority. While I lived in rehab I had to obey all sorts of rules that I thought were stupid. I felt almost daily a struggle deep inside me. I learned not to talk back(amazingly enough), and be obedient. Even if the person who was in authority over me was younger than me, and closer to my oldest daughter's age.

I am glad that the year is through. I feel that I have grown in some ways that I really needed to grow. I am now on my own and in my own appartment, but still connected with the rehab centre. Its been a week so far and I gotta say....I FEEL FREE!!!