So, just to make it clear, University Studies is nothing like upgrading. There is alot self teaching in University. There is tons of homework. And there is alot riding on me passing. I have to pass all these courses befor I can begin next term. Oh why! Oh why! Did I get so behind?! And why?Oh why? Am I having a hard time staying interested in this?
I know I dont have many options. I HAVE to finish what I started. Not only is school my only source of income right now, but I know if I quit I will sent tumbling into a spiral of shame and self doubt, and I will have ahard time believeing in myself again. This is such a challenging time of my life.
I seriously need a good slap in the face.
I am not allowing myself to think the worst. It goes against my religion.
I had better just get to school everyday from now on, no matter how comfy and warm my bed is. It's not like I ever really get to sleep in anyways. Not with Ray waking up automatically by 8am everyday. And then it's not enough that she's up, she HAS to crawl into my bed and sit on my head, to make sure I get up with her so I can watch her color and throw balls around the livingroom, and unravel rolls of toliet paper around my used to be clean appartment. With all this snowfall we've had, I am tired even before I walk out the door, knowing I'll have to navigate her HUGE ASS stroller through the snow and ice just to get to daycare, and then have to tranfer to 3 different busses to get to school because I havn't been able to afford to take driving lessons yet, and I am already a 33 year old woman.
But then, when I finally DO arrive at school, I love it there. I sit in the front row of each class, and volunteer my answers to my teachers. And I chill in the library with my new red laptop, and catch up on homework, or look for interesting DVD's to check out, or update my facebook status to something real nerdy. I wave at all the people that I pass by, who are in my classes, and pretend I know their names(which I don't. I'm terrible with names) and I stop by the store to see if there is anything else I could possibly buy that has the name of my school on it.
One day, I will look back on these school days, as THEE DAYS. Just like when I finally moved out of Rehab. While I was there it seemed so boring. But now, looking back, I'm a thinking ..wow. That was awesome. Just had so much time to relax, and chill, and work on myself, and only myself. Had so much time to make scripture cards. Had so much time to read my bible, and take part in bible studies. I miss those days. Thoses were the days, man. Now I feel like I am being pulled in every direction, not sure exactly where I am going, or what I am doing. Not sure where my furture is gonna lead. Not sure if I chose the right carreer. In fact, really thinking I chose wrong. Hoping it's right. But thinking it's wrong. Hoping God can turn this mistake into another miracle, like He always seems to do. Hoping, hoping, hoping.
Real life sucks man. This is way harder than drinking my life away. Way harder. I know it's gonna be worth it in the end though. It has to be.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
My 5 minute presentation on Homelessness
Hi! My name is Chris Gail and Iam a 33 year old student here, in the Business Program. As some of you may know, one of my goals when I finish this program is to be able to run a homeless shelter. It's not because I am this great person, who can be compared to Mother Theresa. It's not because I have extremely high morals and that I want to save the world either. The truth of the matter is that I want to help the homeless because, I, myself, was once there.
Back in 2009, my life was quite different from what it is today. The summer of 2009, you would have found me in the downtown core, trying to survive. My life had lost meaning and purpose, and I found myself on the streets, here in this city. You would be surprised at the kind of people I met down there. People like me. Just normal human beings who had gone through different struggles in life, and had found themselves homeless. They wern't born homeless.
Among those that I met was a man in his 50's. His wife had divorced him due to his alcohol problem, and had kicked him out. He was a nice man. I always felt like he didn't belone out there. He was too nice, and was taken advantage of too many times. He had a nice house on the northside that was bought and paid for, and his wife lived there. He, however, slept on an old matress, in the back alley, covered up with an old piece of carpet.
Another man I met I met out there had been on the streets for years. It was like he was used to it. Same ol, same ol. He was terminally ill, and knew he was dying. He had a great sense of humor and was always willing to share what little he had, wherther that be smokes, food or beer. He visited his sick wife in the hospital everyday, and even though he tried to put up a brave front, I remember a few times when he would sit in that back alley, with a far away look in his eyes, and you could just tell that his heart was breaking a little bit more. Even if she did get better, they didn't have anywhere to go. The streets WAS home.
As the summer started to come to an end, and september approached, it started to get really really cold outside. The wind started blowing right through us, and staying outside all day was no longer an option. It was just too cold. Luckily there were a few organizations downtown that opened their doors to the homeless, so we could warm up. Anyways, that was a turning point in my life. I just couldn't do it anymore. I was worn out, and worn down, and tired of that life.
Fortunately for me, I had family to turn to. I hadn't talked to them for years because I didn't want to make them worry, but that day, I knew they would be my way out. And so I made that life changing call home.
Thats the day I left homeless life behind me. These last 3 years have been wonderful. I have been so fortunate to start experienceing a new quality of life!I am now a mother. I have an adorable 2 year old girl. I am a successful student. I have doing studeis for 2 years now! I now live in a 2 bedroom appartment complete with a memory foam pillow top matress! I have come a long ways. No matter how many good things I've experienced since that time in my life, living on the streets in an experience I can never forget. It changed my perspective and it's one of those thigs that some people never escape!
I am blessed that I got out. Now that my life is on the right track, I feel the need to try and help. My life used to mean nothing and I know how those people feel. I've felt the defeat, and hopelessness. I know what it feels like to believe your worthless. Its not a nice feeling. And it's not true. Nobody is worthless. Every human being has value. I would like to be involved in a place where hope can be introduced or even restored, to those who have lost it, or may have never experienced hope before. I am hoping that by the time I finish my diploma in Business I will have the skills and confidence to run a place that gives homeless people a new start in life. I was lucky to have my Nickel family. They supported me (financially, spiritually and emotionally) and encouraged me to try something new. I would like to have that opportunity to help others the way I was helped.
For now, I must remain focused on my studies, but I am taking all donations of blankets for the homeless. Like I said, it's cold out there. I am currently volunteering at a place that helps the less fortunate because it remains a cause that is close to my heart. I have seen old friends and family members down there and they need blankets. So please, if you have an extra blanket sitting around at home, bring it in and give it to me, so I can make sure that someone who needs it, gets it!
Homeless people are human beings. And the reson I shared my story with you is because I want you to remember , the next time you see someone less fortunate, is that they are someones sister, someones dad, they are someone's husband or wife. Who know's why they are there? Could be addiction, depression, or maybe it's just their way of life. Whatever the reson may be, bottom line is that thay are a human being. Just like me. Thank you for listening.
Back in 2009, my life was quite different from what it is today. The summer of 2009, you would have found me in the downtown core, trying to survive. My life had lost meaning and purpose, and I found myself on the streets, here in this city. You would be surprised at the kind of people I met down there. People like me. Just normal human beings who had gone through different struggles in life, and had found themselves homeless. They wern't born homeless.
Among those that I met was a man in his 50's. His wife had divorced him due to his alcohol problem, and had kicked him out. He was a nice man. I always felt like he didn't belone out there. He was too nice, and was taken advantage of too many times. He had a nice house on the northside that was bought and paid for, and his wife lived there. He, however, slept on an old matress, in the back alley, covered up with an old piece of carpet.
Another man I met I met out there had been on the streets for years. It was like he was used to it. Same ol, same ol. He was terminally ill, and knew he was dying. He had a great sense of humor and was always willing to share what little he had, wherther that be smokes, food or beer. He visited his sick wife in the hospital everyday, and even though he tried to put up a brave front, I remember a few times when he would sit in that back alley, with a far away look in his eyes, and you could just tell that his heart was breaking a little bit more. Even if she did get better, they didn't have anywhere to go. The streets WAS home.
As the summer started to come to an end, and september approached, it started to get really really cold outside. The wind started blowing right through us, and staying outside all day was no longer an option. It was just too cold. Luckily there were a few organizations downtown that opened their doors to the homeless, so we could warm up. Anyways, that was a turning point in my life. I just couldn't do it anymore. I was worn out, and worn down, and tired of that life.
Fortunately for me, I had family to turn to. I hadn't talked to them for years because I didn't want to make them worry, but that day, I knew they would be my way out. And so I made that life changing call home.
Thats the day I left homeless life behind me. These last 3 years have been wonderful. I have been so fortunate to start experienceing a new quality of life!I am now a mother. I have an adorable 2 year old girl. I am a successful student. I have doing studeis for 2 years now! I now live in a 2 bedroom appartment complete with a memory foam pillow top matress! I have come a long ways. No matter how many good things I've experienced since that time in my life, living on the streets in an experience I can never forget. It changed my perspective and it's one of those thigs that some people never escape!
I am blessed that I got out. Now that my life is on the right track, I feel the need to try and help. My life used to mean nothing and I know how those people feel. I've felt the defeat, and hopelessness. I know what it feels like to believe your worthless. Its not a nice feeling. And it's not true. Nobody is worthless. Every human being has value. I would like to be involved in a place where hope can be introduced or even restored, to those who have lost it, or may have never experienced hope before. I am hoping that by the time I finish my diploma in Business I will have the skills and confidence to run a place that gives homeless people a new start in life. I was lucky to have my Nickel family. They supported me (financially, spiritually and emotionally) and encouraged me to try something new. I would like to have that opportunity to help others the way I was helped.
For now, I must remain focused on my studies, but I am taking all donations of blankets for the homeless. Like I said, it's cold out there. I am currently volunteering at a place that helps the less fortunate because it remains a cause that is close to my heart. I have seen old friends and family members down there and they need blankets. So please, if you have an extra blanket sitting around at home, bring it in and give it to me, so I can make sure that someone who needs it, gets it!
Homeless people are human beings. And the reson I shared my story with you is because I want you to remember , the next time you see someone less fortunate, is that they are someones sister, someones dad, they are someone's husband or wife. Who know's why they are there? Could be addiction, depression, or maybe it's just their way of life. Whatever the reson may be, bottom line is that thay are a human being. Just like me. Thank you for listening.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Mommy Dearest
You know what? I'm kinda scared for my mom. You see, my dad just died, and now she's alone. I know she's feeling lonely, cuz she has called me and told me that she is lonely. I feel bad for her, because I don't know how she's going to find someone who loves her as much as my dad loved her. She is difficult to be around. She is sometimes mean. She is bossy. She is demanding. But dad didn't care. He loved her with all his heart, no matter what. I don't know if she'll find someone with an unconditional love for her again.
I love my mom. I really do. So I am praying for her, and hoping for the best. I know for a fact that God can do anything He chooses to do, and so I will continue to pray and never lose hope that her life will continually get better.
I love my mom. I really do. So I am praying for her, and hoping for the best. I know for a fact that God can do anything He chooses to do, and so I will continue to pray and never lose hope that her life will continually get better.
Day Two of Fitness
There is sweat pouring down my face right now. My body is emulating off enough heat to warm a small tent. I have just finished level 1 of the 30-Day Shred. There was a war going in my mind all day today. Around noon, when I put Raya down for her nap, was when the war began. "You should do a quick workout while Raya's sleeping!" an excited voice in my head said. "Well, let's just check how SIMS is doing. I need to make some more money real quick first." the other voice replied. An hour and a half later, I have made some clever remarks on facebook, and now Raya is crying to get out of bed. Hmmm, well, the workout will have to wait.
It wasn't until about half an hour ago, when I was bored of watching repeats on HGTV, that I decided that 20 minutes wouldn't be all that bad. Plus, I wouldn't be able to brag about working out again! hahaha
Anyways, I feel great. I feel like change is coming. I feel hopeful. Oh ya, and I feel sticky and sweaty.
I'd better go shower.
Night y'all!
It wasn't until about half an hour ago, when I was bored of watching repeats on HGTV, that I decided that 20 minutes wouldn't be all that bad. Plus, I wouldn't be able to brag about working out again! hahaha
Anyways, I feel great. I feel like change is coming. I feel hopeful. Oh ya, and I feel sticky and sweaty.
I'd better go shower.
Night y'all!
No Pain, No Gain.
So, I am very proud of myself for working out yesterday. I completed level 1 of Jillian Micheal's 30- Day Shred. I have made a promise to myself to make and effort to get back into shape this year. I know I deserve to be looking my best, because this is truly, the best I have ever felt, in my life. It has taken me a long time to get here. To get to the point where I accept myself, and accept who I am, and feel confident that I can improve my life. This next year is all about goal reaching and planning for the future.
This blog will serve as an inspiration to me in the future. I can look back and see my drive, and remember the thought I have having.
Right now, I feel really proud of myself. My body aches in weird places but it's a good hurt. I know that if I keep it up, my body will start changing drastically. I have good genes. My father is naturally slim and muscular, and in the past, I have been able to build muscle very quickly. Faster than most people, so I am bound and determined to take advantage of my genetics.
The Jillian Michael's workout is only a 20 minute workout, and when I was doing it yesterday, there came a time, in the middle of the workout, where I suddenly felt that I could not go on. So I took a quick breather and joined to workout again. Before I knew it, the workout was over, and I felt sooo good. I felt like I had gotten over the hump, and thought to myself, "Man, that went by quickly. I COULD do this once a day. I should do this once a day. Why not?"
This whole fitness thing IS important to me. I am young, and single, and love to be active. I also love clothes shopping, but for the past 2 years shopping has been an awful experience. I see clothes that I really love, but they don't look good on me. When your bigger, clothes don't fit the way you want them too. There are too many factors you have to consider. Clothes that are too snug show off the rolls. But clothes that are too loose look like tents. I have made a decision to stop buying clothes until I lose a few sizes. Buying size 14 clothes now, will only give me an excuse to stay the way I am. I have told myself that when my jeans start falling off my body, I will be allowed to go shopping for new clothes, which is pretty exciting! It gives me something to look forward to.
So welcome to my fitness blog. Come on this new journey with me!
This blog will serve as an inspiration to me in the future. I can look back and see my drive, and remember the thought I have having.
Right now, I feel really proud of myself. My body aches in weird places but it's a good hurt. I know that if I keep it up, my body will start changing drastically. I have good genes. My father is naturally slim and muscular, and in the past, I have been able to build muscle very quickly. Faster than most people, so I am bound and determined to take advantage of my genetics.
The Jillian Michael's workout is only a 20 minute workout, and when I was doing it yesterday, there came a time, in the middle of the workout, where I suddenly felt that I could not go on. So I took a quick breather and joined to workout again. Before I knew it, the workout was over, and I felt sooo good. I felt like I had gotten over the hump, and thought to myself, "Man, that went by quickly. I COULD do this once a day. I should do this once a day. Why not?"
This whole fitness thing IS important to me. I am young, and single, and love to be active. I also love clothes shopping, but for the past 2 years shopping has been an awful experience. I see clothes that I really love, but they don't look good on me. When your bigger, clothes don't fit the way you want them too. There are too many factors you have to consider. Clothes that are too snug show off the rolls. But clothes that are too loose look like tents. I have made a decision to stop buying clothes until I lose a few sizes. Buying size 14 clothes now, will only give me an excuse to stay the way I am. I have told myself that when my jeans start falling off my body, I will be allowed to go shopping for new clothes, which is pretty exciting! It gives me something to look forward to.
So welcome to my fitness blog. Come on this new journey with me!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Writing on the Wall
One of the most awesome things about being single and on my own, is that I live alone, with a baby. Therefore, I have the complete freedom to put anything I want up on my wall. When I was in the Dream Centre, I found that when I put up special scriptures on my wall, I would find myself meditating on them often, and it helped me through the hardest 2 years of my life. Those scriptures brought me peace and comfort.
Now that I am in my own appartment, I have carried on that tradition in my new home, and have various scriptures hanging on my walls, in many different places. I have also found the secret of goal acheivment, and that is to have a list of goals upon my wall, so that I am constantly reminded of my own personal "to-do" lists.
Well, tonight I have this test to write. It's for school, and to be honest, I have been having a hard time getting into the my school cycle. I am finding University to be very chanllenging. The most challenging is doing all the homework and keeping up. I find that when I am at home, all I want to do is clean, and facebook, and watch rediculous shows that I normally, never watch. It's so strange.
So as I am avioding a test tonight (which is in an hour) I have so many thoughts running through my head. Why am I doing this? How imporatant is this to me? Should I be rethinking my plans for my future? Is business really my thing? I decided to write down WHY I am doing this, and put it on my wall. My wall now reads:
MY GOALS: TO OBTAIN THE SKILLS NEEDED TO RUN OR MANAGE A SUCESSFUL BUSINESS; BE IT FOR-PROFIT OR NON-PROFIT.
That is what I want for my life. I don't just want to be in an entry level position forever. I want to be able to take more responsibility at work and in life. I want to be able to help a business acheieve its goals and ultametiatly, help people. I still have dreams of running a recovery centre or a halfway house or something like that. My heart is with the homeless and God knows how bad I want to help.
Anyhoo, I had better get ready for this test. Corporate Social Responsibility and Ethics!!
Now that I am in my own appartment, I have carried on that tradition in my new home, and have various scriptures hanging on my walls, in many different places. I have also found the secret of goal acheivment, and that is to have a list of goals upon my wall, so that I am constantly reminded of my own personal "to-do" lists.
Well, tonight I have this test to write. It's for school, and to be honest, I have been having a hard time getting into the my school cycle. I am finding University to be very chanllenging. The most challenging is doing all the homework and keeping up. I find that when I am at home, all I want to do is clean, and facebook, and watch rediculous shows that I normally, never watch. It's so strange.
So as I am avioding a test tonight (which is in an hour) I have so many thoughts running through my head. Why am I doing this? How imporatant is this to me? Should I be rethinking my plans for my future? Is business really my thing? I decided to write down WHY I am doing this, and put it on my wall. My wall now reads:
MY GOALS: TO OBTAIN THE SKILLS NEEDED TO RUN OR MANAGE A SUCESSFUL BUSINESS; BE IT FOR-PROFIT OR NON-PROFIT.
That is what I want for my life. I don't just want to be in an entry level position forever. I want to be able to take more responsibility at work and in life. I want to be able to help a business acheieve its goals and ultametiatly, help people. I still have dreams of running a recovery centre or a halfway house or something like that. My heart is with the homeless and God knows how bad I want to help.
Anyhoo, I had better get ready for this test. Corporate Social Responsibility and Ethics!!
I'm a BIG OL NERD!
Oh my gosh! The entire cast from Star Trek: The Next Generation is coming to Calgary in April. That was the serios that made me fall in love with Star Trek. I really really really want to go! Its a once in a life time opportunity and I HAVE to take it! Gotta save up enough money for that weekend. Need to bus to Calgary, sleep over and go to two days of the Expo! Oh my gosh. I can't wait!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Sister Memories
Here are a few of my favorite memories with my sister, Tanya.
1. Playing outside in the front lawn at the blue house, and playing WWF. She kicks me really hard in the crotch and runs away. I fall to the ground and realize that crotch kicking hurts girls too.
2. Deciding to run away one evening, me and Tanya make a sheet rope, and tie one end to my bed, and thrown it out my bedroom window. We shimmy down the sheet rope with birthday candles and cheese sandwitches for supplies. We make it to the back shed, and sit in there till it gets dark. After about 40 minutes we decide to go back home, about 300 meters away.
3. Tanya is the first to get her drivers lisence, and decides it's high time that I learn how to drive. She drives out to edge of the city in her friends little red firefly, and makes me get into the drivers seat. She then instructs me on how to drive stick shift. I stall the car repeatedly, but she keeps encouraging me to keep trying, and before I know it, I am driving AND changing gears! Success!
4. Its playtime, upstairs at Nanny and Papa's house. Me and Tanya have made up a game called "Dandy". It's a game that basically consists of me giving Tanya various "rides". Her favorite one is where she stands up on the edge of the couch, and I come and put my head between her legs and lift her off the couch. I then take her to the middle of the room and start spinning. When I start to feel tired, I walk her back to the couch and put her down, until I hear her little voice say, "Dandy!" again.
5. We have just been adopted, and there is a park down the street from our new house. We decide to walk across the back yards to get to the park one day, and find that one back yard has a very steep hill covered in long, smooth grass. We find out that it makes a perfect slide and spend some time sliding down it. We make the mistake of bringing friends there with us, later on, and the old lady that lives there, yells at us to stop playing there. We sneak back occassionally anyways.
6. At our new house in Lacombe, our backyard faces the country. Theres a fenced off farmers feild at the bottom of the hill, and us kids go under the barbed wire fence often, to play in the trees. One summer, we find that the neighbourhood boys have made a cool tree house in the tree's and are always down there. One day, the boys aren't down there and so we take the opportunity to check out their tree fort. We find playboy magazines in there and are shocked. We tell our friends in the neighbourhood, and the friends that visit, and take them down to see the magazines. Every friend we showed still remember that treehouse and those magazines.
1. Playing outside in the front lawn at the blue house, and playing WWF. She kicks me really hard in the crotch and runs away. I fall to the ground and realize that crotch kicking hurts girls too.
2. Deciding to run away one evening, me and Tanya make a sheet rope, and tie one end to my bed, and thrown it out my bedroom window. We shimmy down the sheet rope with birthday candles and cheese sandwitches for supplies. We make it to the back shed, and sit in there till it gets dark. After about 40 minutes we decide to go back home, about 300 meters away.
3. Tanya is the first to get her drivers lisence, and decides it's high time that I learn how to drive. She drives out to edge of the city in her friends little red firefly, and makes me get into the drivers seat. She then instructs me on how to drive stick shift. I stall the car repeatedly, but she keeps encouraging me to keep trying, and before I know it, I am driving AND changing gears! Success!
4. Its playtime, upstairs at Nanny and Papa's house. Me and Tanya have made up a game called "Dandy". It's a game that basically consists of me giving Tanya various "rides". Her favorite one is where she stands up on the edge of the couch, and I come and put my head between her legs and lift her off the couch. I then take her to the middle of the room and start spinning. When I start to feel tired, I walk her back to the couch and put her down, until I hear her little voice say, "Dandy!" again.
5. We have just been adopted, and there is a park down the street from our new house. We decide to walk across the back yards to get to the park one day, and find that one back yard has a very steep hill covered in long, smooth grass. We find out that it makes a perfect slide and spend some time sliding down it. We make the mistake of bringing friends there with us, later on, and the old lady that lives there, yells at us to stop playing there. We sneak back occassionally anyways.
6. At our new house in Lacombe, our backyard faces the country. Theres a fenced off farmers feild at the bottom of the hill, and us kids go under the barbed wire fence often, to play in the trees. One summer, we find that the neighbourhood boys have made a cool tree house in the tree's and are always down there. One day, the boys aren't down there and so we take the opportunity to check out their tree fort. We find playboy magazines in there and are shocked. We tell our friends in the neighbourhood, and the friends that visit, and take them down to see the magazines. Every friend we showed still remember that treehouse and those magazines.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Goal Setting....again
http://chrisgail-baringitall.blogspot.com/2011_02_01_archive.html
On the above link, is my first blog from last year. On that blog I listed some goals I wanted to acheive by the New Year. Let's see how I did.
1. Get my drivers lisence. (nope, not yet. Put back on the new list)
2. Pay off my jay-walking ticket. (Paid off $200, got $100 more to go!)
3. Write a book. ( Still working on it!)
4. Join the Writers Guild. (Oops, forgot about that one!)
5. Get down to a size 12. ( Almost there. I'm a very close size 13)
6. Get honors in English. ( I graduated with a 79%)
7. Build up a savings account. ( yep, got some savings)
8. Finish my scrapbook. ( Not even close)
9. Sing a solo in church. ( Nope, didn't do it yet)
10. Buy green contact lenses. ( Bought clear ones. My eyes are too bad for colored ones :()
I would also like to share one of my goals from the year before last year. And that was that my Mom Rindelle, my dad Peter Cardinal, and dad Jim Disterheft and Victor would all get to know Jesus and be saved.
Well halleliuah, and praise the Lord, I can cross one of those names off the list. My step-dad Jim, left this world last week, a saved man. Thank you Jesus.
This year I would like to again, make a list of goals and look again next year and see how far I've come. Let's start:
1. Get my Driver's Lisence.
2. Pay off my jaywalking ticket.
3. Join the Writers Guild of Alberta.
4. Get down to a size 9.
5. Graduate my first year of University with a GPA of 3.6
6. Get the rest of my house furnished.
7. Start Volunteering downtown.
8. Go to Montreal.
9. Memorize 12 different scriptures, one for each month.
10. Make a new friend.
11. Get a new tattoo.
Ok, well here's the new list. I think a mistake I made last time was that I wrote my list and never looked at it again until today. This time I am going to be smarter and I am going to take this list, and hang it on my wall. That way, I won't forget what my goals are and they will be in the front of my mind all the time! Jesus, I commit this list to you, and know with your help, I can acheieve more than I have ever acheived before. My life is yours.
On the above link, is my first blog from last year. On that blog I listed some goals I wanted to acheive by the New Year. Let's see how I did.
1. Get my drivers lisence. (nope, not yet. Put back on the new list)
2. Pay off my jay-walking ticket. (Paid off $200, got $100 more to go!)
3. Write a book. ( Still working on it!)
4. Join the Writers Guild. (Oops, forgot about that one!)
5. Get down to a size 12. ( Almost there. I'm a very close size 13)
6. Get honors in English. ( I graduated with a 79%)
7. Build up a savings account. ( yep, got some savings)
8. Finish my scrapbook. ( Not even close)
9. Sing a solo in church. ( Nope, didn't do it yet)
10. Buy green contact lenses. ( Bought clear ones. My eyes are too bad for colored ones :()
I would also like to share one of my goals from the year before last year. And that was that my Mom Rindelle, my dad Peter Cardinal, and dad Jim Disterheft and Victor would all get to know Jesus and be saved.
Well halleliuah, and praise the Lord, I can cross one of those names off the list. My step-dad Jim, left this world last week, a saved man. Thank you Jesus.
This year I would like to again, make a list of goals and look again next year and see how far I've come. Let's start:
1. Get my Driver's Lisence.
2. Pay off my jaywalking ticket.
3. Join the Writers Guild of Alberta.
4. Get down to a size 9.
5. Graduate my first year of University with a GPA of 3.6
6. Get the rest of my house furnished.
7. Start Volunteering downtown.
8. Go to Montreal.
9. Memorize 12 different scriptures, one for each month.
10. Make a new friend.
11. Get a new tattoo.
Ok, well here's the new list. I think a mistake I made last time was that I wrote my list and never looked at it again until today. This time I am going to be smarter and I am going to take this list, and hang it on my wall. That way, I won't forget what my goals are and they will be in the front of my mind all the time! Jesus, I commit this list to you, and know with your help, I can acheieve more than I have ever acheived before. My life is yours.
Dirty Dancing
If you grew up sometime in the 80's then you know all about the movie, "Dirty Dancing". If your a GIRL who grew up in the 80's, then you may have the entire movie memorized. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner!" hahaha
I remember that back in those days, I was just newly adopted by my new white family. They were super strict Christians and in order to listen to the latest music, or see the hottest movies, I had to go over a friends house and do it there. I remember when I first heard of New Kids On The Block. My friend Del, called them NKOTB, and I was like, "What's NKOTB?" She looked at me in unbelief and immediatly shoved a Teen Beat Magazine into my hands, ( http://xaxor.com/female/17306-funny-covers-of-teen-magazines-from-the-80s.html ) and opened it up on a group shot of The New Kids. She was my music guru of the 80's, showing me the wonders of Madonna, Debbie Gibson, C & C Music Factory, and of course, Tifanny.
My parents did not allow "worldly" or "secular" music into the house. The word "secular" always reminded of me of SATAN, I guess because thats what my parents portrayed. Anyhoo...
When Dirty Dancing came out it was the event of the 80's! Everyone was talking about at school, and everyone loved it. I couldn't wait to see it, so the next time our new mom took us to the video store I eagerly grabbed the box that said "Dirty Dancing" on it, and on the cover you could see Patrick Swazy and Jennifer Gray dancing. Well, when we got up to the counter, my mother collected all the video's and had a look over them. She always did this, so as not to get anything "unappropriate". Sure as shit, she got to the Dirty Dancing Movie Cover, took one look at the title, and scolded me for bringing up to the counter. "No way!" she said, and told me to go put it back. I was so embarassed that she would do that me in public, and so mad that she was so old fashioned. I remember this being a common theme as I grew up. I hated it.
A couple week later, I went to spend the weekend at my best friends house in the country. Her mom and dad were so, so cool. Since her mom worked alot, as a nurse, and did alot of shift work, I often slept over and me and my friend would spend the weekend, alone, in front of the t.v. So when my friends mom took us to the same video store on that friday, I excitedly ran to where "Dirty Dancing" was displayed, and grabbed the box. My friend squealed with delight, and we rented it, with no questions asked. I couldn't wait to get back to the farm and see it.
You know, as a Christian mom now, I get why my parents did what they did. I understand the intentions behind it. But unfortunatly, their "Christian Bubble" that they tried so hard to raise me in, just made me even more curious about the world. I was told about all the evils of the world, but at the same time, saw all my friends(and thats not an exaggeration) participating in the devils world, and saw that they seemed fine. I saw kids that learned to look after themselves since they were in grade 5, while my parents still hired a babysitter until I was 16 years old.(Totally embarrassing!) I saw my friends go to dances, while my parents promised me that dancing leads to sex on the dancefloor. Was I ever shocked when I snuck off to my first dance(in grade 10), and didn't see anyone having sex OR dirty dancing! I was so nerdy and geeky back then I couldn't get within 6 feet of a boy without getting embarassed and shy. And even at the highschool level, there were hardly any girls actually dancing with boys. There was a boy group here, and a girl group there, and so on and so forth. Real cheezy, and I thought, "Wow, I guess I havnt been missing much."
Now that I am a mother, and yes, a Christian, I wonder what kind of parent I am going to be. I really want to teach Ray from an early age HOW to make good decisions, and I want her to know that I trust her. I don't want to hold her back from feeling confident and be making all her little decions for her, but I DO want to protect her from the world. I think I'll be ok at doing this. Not only am I working NOW on earning her trust and respect, but I am willing to keep learning and about good parenting. And I have to say, that no, there will be no Rhianna albums in our house ever, and probably not any Katy Perry either. I want Raya to look up to women who respect themselves so in that respect I will put my foot down. However, I think I have enough life experience to make sure I'm not just "the Boss" and hope that Raya will understand that I will always listen to her, and if need be that a movie comes out with a similar title to "Dirty Dancing", that I will remember my childhood, and just download the darn movie, and pop some popcorn, and have a girls nite with my little love.
I remember that back in those days, I was just newly adopted by my new white family. They were super strict Christians and in order to listen to the latest music, or see the hottest movies, I had to go over a friends house and do it there. I remember when I first heard of New Kids On The Block. My friend Del, called them NKOTB, and I was like, "What's NKOTB?" She looked at me in unbelief and immediatly shoved a Teen Beat Magazine into my hands, ( http://xaxor.com/female/17306-funny-covers-of-teen-magazines-from-the-80s.html ) and opened it up on a group shot of The New Kids. She was my music guru of the 80's, showing me the wonders of Madonna, Debbie Gibson, C & C Music Factory, and of course, Tifanny.
My parents did not allow "worldly" or "secular" music into the house. The word "secular" always reminded of me of SATAN, I guess because thats what my parents portrayed. Anyhoo...
When Dirty Dancing came out it was the event of the 80's! Everyone was talking about at school, and everyone loved it. I couldn't wait to see it, so the next time our new mom took us to the video store I eagerly grabbed the box that said "Dirty Dancing" on it, and on the cover you could see Patrick Swazy and Jennifer Gray dancing. Well, when we got up to the counter, my mother collected all the video's and had a look over them. She always did this, so as not to get anything "unappropriate". Sure as shit, she got to the Dirty Dancing Movie Cover, took one look at the title, and scolded me for bringing up to the counter. "No way!" she said, and told me to go put it back. I was so embarassed that she would do that me in public, and so mad that she was so old fashioned. I remember this being a common theme as I grew up. I hated it.
A couple week later, I went to spend the weekend at my best friends house in the country. Her mom and dad were so, so cool. Since her mom worked alot, as a nurse, and did alot of shift work, I often slept over and me and my friend would spend the weekend, alone, in front of the t.v. So when my friends mom took us to the same video store on that friday, I excitedly ran to where "Dirty Dancing" was displayed, and grabbed the box. My friend squealed with delight, and we rented it, with no questions asked. I couldn't wait to get back to the farm and see it.
You know, as a Christian mom now, I get why my parents did what they did. I understand the intentions behind it. But unfortunatly, their "Christian Bubble" that they tried so hard to raise me in, just made me even more curious about the world. I was told about all the evils of the world, but at the same time, saw all my friends(and thats not an exaggeration) participating in the devils world, and saw that they seemed fine. I saw kids that learned to look after themselves since they were in grade 5, while my parents still hired a babysitter until I was 16 years old.(Totally embarrassing!) I saw my friends go to dances, while my parents promised me that dancing leads to sex on the dancefloor. Was I ever shocked when I snuck off to my first dance(in grade 10), and didn't see anyone having sex OR dirty dancing! I was so nerdy and geeky back then I couldn't get within 6 feet of a boy without getting embarassed and shy. And even at the highschool level, there were hardly any girls actually dancing with boys. There was a boy group here, and a girl group there, and so on and so forth. Real cheezy, and I thought, "Wow, I guess I havnt been missing much."
Now that I am a mother, and yes, a Christian, I wonder what kind of parent I am going to be. I really want to teach Ray from an early age HOW to make good decisions, and I want her to know that I trust her. I don't want to hold her back from feeling confident and be making all her little decions for her, but I DO want to protect her from the world. I think I'll be ok at doing this. Not only am I working NOW on earning her trust and respect, but I am willing to keep learning and about good parenting. And I have to say, that no, there will be no Rhianna albums in our house ever, and probably not any Katy Perry either. I want Raya to look up to women who respect themselves so in that respect I will put my foot down. However, I think I have enough life experience to make sure I'm not just "the Boss" and hope that Raya will understand that I will always listen to her, and if need be that a movie comes out with a similar title to "Dirty Dancing", that I will remember my childhood, and just download the darn movie, and pop some popcorn, and have a girls nite with my little love.
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